Raising An Original
Okay moms and dads, it’s time for me to get a little bossy.
Yep, me.
My grown kids will gladly let you know that’s not as rare as some might assume. The truth is, every once in a while a nagging concern builds and builds under the surface of my deceptively Zen-ish exterior, until it explodes into actual action.
First, the concern. It’s been slipping into one of those unscripted moments in our conferences for quite some time now. Not in my notes, mind you. I’m too people-pleasing to put something that’s bugging me in my notes. That would be negative, and I tend to shun negative people.
(As a completely unrelated side, an exceedingly wise spiritual mentor of ours pointed out that I make decisions almost entirely out of the negative. He was quick to assure me that’s not all bad— but I was insulted! Really sore about that comment— how entirely not nice of him! Until I made my next big decision— entirely out of a negative context! Sheesh, it’s true!)
So, the concern; the thing that’s really bothering me…
Parents who complain about their kids.
It’s the worst! The rolled eyes, snide comments, Facebook rants. As if their kids don’t hear every word. As if it’s ok to download their frustrations in the public domain.
As if their children aren’t treasures.
Instead of trying to understand their children, viewing each child as a magnificent creation by the God who adores what He made, these parents see only what they don’t like.
Up until now I haven’t known how to give a solution other than “knock it off moms and dads!” Not exactly helpful.
But today I finally dove into a book that’s been on my desk for several weeks. This treasure contains the answers I’ve sought but couldn’t articulate. The title of the book is what first grabbed my heart: Raising An Original by Julie Lyles Carr.
By the second chapter I was crying. By the third, I was searching for the author’s email. By the fourth chapter I was pouring out my own hurt heart to this woman I’ve only spoken with once or twice. Because the more I read, the deeper my own woundedness pulsed with the ache of remembrance.
So here’s the why of my emotional response: My mom loved me. And she showed her love in a million doings, acts of sacrificial caring. But she had a tongue that could, and often did, set “a blazing fire of destruction” (James 3:6 NLT) Hurts built up over years and years until I became an angry teenager, setting my mom’s world on fire with my own words of destruction.
And I’ve told her story before, how when she gave her life over to the Redeemer, she apologized to me for those angry words. Forgiveness was given and received, our relationship vastly improved.
Yet over the years the sting of those angry words sounded in my ears every time I wasn’t enough.
Not good enough, busy enough, productive enough.
The truth is, somedays I still fight the ache—
So, the book…
Julie Lyles Carr wrote the book I wish my mom had read when I was a little girl. The book every mom and dad ought to read. Anyone who wants to know the plan of God for their kids’ thriving. And even anyone of you who’s been hurt by a parent or teacher who didn’t grasp the beauty of your uniqueness.
Buy this book now! (yep, that’s the bossy side of the real me) Not only is her writing compelling and funny, full of magnificent metaphors and sheer beauty, it resounds with the Spirit’s wisdom.
But some facts, I know you want facts:
- Julie Lyles Carr starts with Scripture. She gives us God’s view of His carefully created people, our uniqueness, our reflection of His glory. She points out God’s call to His people’s “peculiar-ness”. This is not just a feel good message you’ve heard before; it’s rich with creatively crafted truth that penetrates the soul.
In her own words: “I’d rather be God’s odd duck— a peculiar, original kid— than the world’s poster child for normal… Particularly when it sounds like ‘treasured’.”
- In part 2 she gives us practical instruction on how to avoid parenting pitfalls. It’s not just about finding them that job, getting them that degree, or protecting them. Nor is it about you.
As I read that part, I cringed. Every single big fail I made as a mother of teenagers was about fear. Julie had to have read my mind.
How else could she have written words that would open scenes from my daughter’s adolescence, showing me why my methods often did more harm than good?
Oh for a do-over! Or maybe a deeply felt apology.
- Next comes the practicum. A series of thought provoking questions to collect a history of your own child’s temperament from birth til now. So good! She asks readers to take this assessment for themselves as well since who we are affects how we parent.
Then she explains how each of us is made up in a unique combination of traits that make us who we are. No carbon copies. No round pegs crammed into square holes. Even parents of babies and toddlers will benefit from these revealing questions.
And if you’ve ever taken a DISC test, you’ll know why she’s using this tool: it’s by far the best personality assessment for understanding how to approach people who are not just like you. Our whole church staff takes this test in order to build a better team.
- Julie’s final chapter is pure gold. She hits our busyness head on, giving parents a paradigm for decision making based on their child’s best interest AND best thriving.
For every too-busy parent out there, this chapter alone is worth the entire book!
I cried again while reading the last chapter. Ok, I’m crying a little now as I copy these words:
“So I’m going to tell them…
to have the courage to live as an original.
Again and again.
And I challenge you to do the same…
To place into their hands a treasure of wisdom.”
From a heart full to bursting with this gift from one of God’s beautiful servants,
Diane