Dreaming and Listening and Being Surprised by Joy

One of the most difficult things God asks of us is to listen to Him. And one of the most heartbreaking cries we hear from God is, “…you have not listened to Me.” (Judges 6:10) 

How can we, His church, be the Bride He names us while turning our backs to His voice? How can I be His Bride, His beloved, His Lover… and not listen to Him? 

I can’t. 

Reading His Word isn’t enough. Listening to podcasts and sermons, and singing and serving, and signing up for Bible studies isn’t enough. Commitment to community groups isn’t enough. Neither are the myriad of spiritual disciplines enough. 

Doing All. The. Things. isn’t enough. 

Over and over, Jesus spoke of our urgent need to have “ears to hear”. To listen. To listen to God. (see Matthew 11:15; 13:9,15,16,43; Mark 4:9,23; 7:16; 8:18, Luke 8:8, 9:44; 14:35)

Some of you know that a little over a year ago I decided to go to Seminary. Yes, you heard right, at 61 years old I set off to finish what I started over four decades ago. 

The truth is, I quit school as an idealistic young bride, to make a statement. 

One year earlier I was certain that the Spirit had spoken to me that I was to ask my dad’s permission to do what I knew he wouldn’t want me to do— to go to Bible college. I listened, and I did what I heard. I was utterly astounded when my dad, a new follower of Jesus, said, Yes. And I’ll pay for it. Not only that, I’ll buy you a car so you can live at home and commute to the Bible college that’s downtown. Incredible!

Yet a year later I forgot about praying, let alone listening, and acted on an idealistic surge of misguided belief. And quit.

I have regretted that foolish decision ever since. 

Later I went back and took correspondence courses, but life interfered and the needs of church ministry and kids and too little time… and then about a year ago I started to sense whispers of desire brush over my spirit. I tried to ignore those faint wafts of longing. I talked myself out of it like I talk myself out of spending money or doing something daring. “Ha! I can’t do that!”

But I’ve learned a little about listening in the long process of losing my hearing, so one morning I asked God about it. “What’s this longing about, Lord?” Such a simple prayer— elementary. 

And when I quieted all the clamor telling me how ridiculous my desire to go to Seminary at my age must surely be, in its place I heard the Spirit shout, “Yes!” Like a door opening on rusty hinges, my heart burst with the crazy joy of His answer! 

Yes! Yes! Yes!

He is the God of second chances. The One who puts a desire in our hearts, refines it with fire, and then makes it happen. On one condition— 

We must listen.

Now my kids are watching their mother pursue dreams she’d given up on. My grandkids are hearing the story of how I allowed a good desire to be a career mom to thwart my love of learning. All of the Comer clan are learning from my mistake— that God doesn’t give up on the dreams He puts on our hearts— even when we do.

How about you? Especially for moms in the midst of raising little ones or supporting older kids in their pursuits, have you lost sight of your desires? Afraid to inconvenience someone? Maybe embarrassed to be starting off way behind your peers? 

Check, check, and check again! Been there, done that. 

There is no doubt in my mind that being with my kids, teaching them, training and discipling them— loving them with all I had to give— was my biggest contribution to the Kingdom. 

My first mountain.

While I was climbing to that peak I learned about who I am— different than who I thought I was or who I thought I was supposed to be. That’s the beauty of motherhood. You’re stretched to the breaking point… and you don’t break. You grow strong, resilient, capable (in between bouts of feeling like a failure!) 

May I speak a word into your heart? 

Pour everything you have into motherhood. Create a home that is safe, relationships that flourish. Be focused, smart, discerning. Gather wisdom, read relevant books. 

But keep dreaming too. There is a whole big world ahead for you, a world of people who need your skills, who need to be loved in your unique way of loving, who need the beauty only you can create. 

Maybe someday you’ll go back to school, or start a class or two at a time. Maybe you’ll develop your art into something more, or start a business, or write your story, or become the CEO of … something. We all know our country could use a good woman for President… anyone?

Dreaming with you,
Diane