I’ve spent most of my life waiting to do things until I could do them perfectly.

I fall prey to the illusion that perfection is out there and I’m just one day away, one season away, one organizational project away… one “if I just tried harder” away from grasping it. 

When I finally get there, wherever there is, I’ll find peace. A calm to replace the, all to constant, inner storm caused by this thing called life.

I chase this ghost called perfection, only to find myself tired, anxious and disappointed. 

When I can’t find it, I try to push other’s to help me find it. 

I want my kids to be better. 

I want my husband to be better. 

I want my life to be better. 

Surely then I would find it. This peace I’m longing for. 

Yet, I live in the tension of two worlds. 

The perfect world God created which contains nothing but beauty and wonder and joy and peace.

And the broken world where sin and destruction and selfish ambition run wild. 

As follower’s of Jesus we live in the now and the not yet. We live in both those worlds at all times. 

That perfection I (we) long for, is a longing for God’s kingdom as He created it. It’s the world we were made for. A world with no Covid, no pain, no sorrow, no doubt, no anxiety… no suffering. 

Jesus knew the longing we feel. He was God, made to look like us, so that we could experience His great comfort in this space between two worlds. So that we could see a way of living this side of Heaven that would enable us to experience Heaven on earth. Right now… not when everything is perfect again. 

My life is anything but perfect. I live in daily brokenness. You do too. 

Most days my life feels like a tornado leaving messes everywhere it hits.... Frustration, dishes, siblings fighting, toy closets you can’t set foot in, marital tension from a stress filled day, an inbox I don’t have energy for, health problems I never signed up for… 

But what if all the broken parts of my life are actually a beautiful gift? 

What if they are the very thing that make me know and see and experience this Heaven on Earth? 

What if they are both sorrow and joy simultaneously? 

What if that daily tension I feel is the very thing that drives me out of my waiting for perfect and into my Father’s arms? A place that provides me with everything I truly need right now. Independent from my circumstances and living in this “not yet” world of brokenness.  

Jesus endured the most brutal rejection, pain and torment we could ever imagine and yet, scripture says this: 

“… because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne”. 

Because of his sacrifice, we get to experience that Joy on the daily. We get to live in constant communion with the Father. 

We get to experience Heaven on Earth in our souls. Perfection when nothing seems perfect. 

I’m learning that my far from perfect life is bursting with beauty. In my sorrow is connection, peace and comfort from one who truly knows and understands. 

So today, I’ll choose gratitude for my imperfect life. Because there is a lot of joy to be found there. 

Learning With You,

Elizabeth 

PS: And as I’m learning it today… I share it with my kids… because I know the tension I feel is only a few years away from being something they feel.

I can’t help but think that’s what teaching our children really means; opening up our lives to them and learning together as we go.